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Dry Spells: What to do when the "magic" isn't happening.

Dry Spells: What to do when the "magic" isn't happening.

Unless you are Drake, Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Trey Songz or some other celebrity baller with serious cash and an extravagant lifestyle...

You've definitely had a dry spell. It isn't the end of the world, but it can definitely seem that way. Things can feel weird. Your head is all over the place. Thoughts race at warp speed. Concentration? Focus? Myth. Feel like you've been holding your breath for too long. Face blue as an Avatar. (I'm Nigerian, so I don't get blue face. Or blue balls. Heh.) But yeah, things just feel off-balance.

Milhouse knows. 

Fear not, however. Here are a few do's and dont's to make sure you're firing on all cylinders again.

DO: Download Tinder. 


''I dunno...  It's just like... Not for me man'' leave that bullshit at the door. Everybody's dipped at least a toe into the tides of Tinder. Some have dived all the way in and met spouses on it. Give it a try. Tap and swipe like your life depends on it. Cast the net wide, you never know what you'll find. Your finger is a katana, and you are a mighty samurai. Banzai!

DONT: Go on Instagram. 

DEVIL IN A RED DRESS. Going on Insta whilst stuck in a dry spell is like Gazza renting a room above The Queen Vic. That shit will send you down into a lust-ridden vortex of temptation. It's bad already. Don't make it any worse. Stay away from Instagram.

DO: Leave London. 

Go abroad. Go visit uni mates in some obscure part of the country which probably aided the UK's exit of the European Union. Sometimes a change of scenery can reignite the mojo. Plus London can get seriously draining, go recharge the batteries on Miami Beach or something.

DONT: Star in The Hunger Games 18 - Mocking YOU. 👉🏾 

The roast is real. But don't play yourself like the dude above. I'd be a hypocrite if I was to give tips on how to DM girls, as I have a 💯% failure rate. I tried once, got A380 levels of airtime, and my ego has never allowed me to open that door again. I do know that desperation isn't a good look, though.

DO: Get on with your life. 

Don't let it take centre stage in your mind. You've got a lot to be doing. Go gym, get a new trim. You'll find your groove again. But just stay away from Instagram. Seriously...

*Opens Instagram*

Why censorship is a crime against humanity.

Why censorship is a crime against humanity.

Why you should NOT, pay attention to airline safety.

Why you should NOT, pay attention to airline safety.